Life Stability

When I was younger, I never thought much about settling down, getting married, starting a family etc. I won't say that young, probably the last time I had such thought was about 2 years ago. I think it all boiled down to lousy choice in men and not loving myself enough.

Between my late teens and early 20's, all I wanted was FUN FUN FUN and never thought seriously about my future as in marriage etc. I was young so what's wrong with indulging in a little bit of fooling around till I meet the perfect choice?? The fooling around period lead me to a long term relationship which I do not regret but woke me up. The wake up didn't come earlier and I guessed it has been a lesson well learned.

During the 6 years, I gave my all to another whom I thought will do the same for me but I was so wrong. Love became a burden as I started realising he has many issues in life that he needs to sort it out. I was willing to be there & in fact was there the whole time encouraging him but he wasn't willing to face it. I did not give up on him, I carried on. In between these years, many things happened and we drifted to and fro back to each other without me realising that I was only a comfort zone for shelter for him and for myself, a wishful thought that he'll turn out for the better each time I take him back.

The breaking point for me was by the 5th year I really had enough, totally drained. I couldn't really care more about his feelings because he never cared for mine. Love turned into sorrow, no hatred, just sadness at the end of the day. I told myself that I will always remember to have more self love but it was tough cos I was already jaded and torn into pieces deep inside. I didn't know how to start all over and for the next 3 years I was in a real mess.

However, I was sent an angel almost immediately after the breakup. He's sweet, beautiful, kind, caring, sensitive and loving. I was a wreck but yet he was there, all the way. He lets me know constantly that he'll never give up on me and he shows it.

More than 3 years later, we are together now. He made me find the light at the end of the darkness, and he walked me thru' all darkness, holding my hands ever so carefully not to let me fall. He shows me what is true love and faith and installed it back into my fragile soul. He picked up my broken heart and painstankingly and put it back into place. for me. He taught me how to love myself and later love him. The fortress that I build over the years to prevent from getting hurt are diminishing from his love.

Things are good now but we'll never take it for granted knowing how far we took just to get together. We are clear about our future, how we want to live our lives together and how we want to built a life around it. No men so far has given me a clearer vision of my future. I know that he is giving as much as I am for this relationship and this is what I would call a balanced and healthy love.

Happiness is always around you, it's entirely up to you to recognise where it's coming from. Now that I've found my long term happiness, I will not pursue any short term happiness from the blindness of my own selfish act. Start looking around, keep a positive mind :)